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Obscure Sports Weekly
"Ambiguously Gay Duo"
by: Soren Hansen
Arizona’s baseball team has found themselves quite a pair in starters Preston Guilmet and Brad Mills. While they’re not as flamboyant as SNL’s Ace and Gary one things for sure, they’re both clearly the aces of the staff. The ‘Cats Fri and Sat night starters have quickly climbed the ranks and are now amongst, if not, the best in the Pac-10. The two will be in action at Sancet this weekend when Arizona (18-6) hosts Northern Colorado (7-10). Guilmet (4-0, 2.05 ERA) will be on the hill tonight at 7 and Mills (4-2, 2.88 ERA) will follow suit starting Sat at 6. So for those of you that keep “striking out” with the ladies come on out and watch the ‘Cats strikeout the Bears.
When we last checked in, the Women’s swimming and diving team was leading going into the final day of the NCAA Championships. Unfortunately, just like in the Old-Pueblo when it rains it pours. First the basketball team and now the swim squad falls just short to Auburn but holds onto second place. The Achilles heal of the match was actually the absence of the diving team. Arizona’s did not qualify for the championships while Auburn’s did giving them the upper hand. Had the diving team been there this surely would have gone down to the wire. So for any of you high school divers out there reading this come on out to UofA the high dive is a lot of fun, not that I’ve ever done it. But if you are going to attempt it here’s a quick how to: Leave all your shoes, shirts, etc right by the gate, climb to the top and lie down on the platform until all the cars on Campbell have passed, when the coast is clear make the jump (you can go two at a time if you both jump in opposite directions) quickly exit the water grab your stuff and make a mad dash out of there. Again, not that I’ve ever done it though.
To roundup or should I say “round-off” this week’s edition we couldn’t have an OSW and exclude my favorite squad, the Gymcats. The team enters the most crucial part of the season with only this weekends’ meet and the Pac-10 Championships prior to the NCAA Championships. These will be the last two opportunities for them to “vault” there way into a higher seeding. Tonight will be the first chance as the NO. 14 ‘Cats are headed to Provo, UT, to battle BYU and Southern Utah University. From what I know about people from BYU and Utah, they often tend to go on multi year missions so our younger, lovelier and more limber ladies should be able to make the cougars look stiff and frigid. I know what you’re thinking, it’s going to be hard to make people from Utah look stiff and frigid and that’s why the Gymcats are calling on us for support and Bree Workman (Workman, Bree) if you’re reading this you can go ahead and give me a call. I’m not like O.J. Mayo I give my number out.
Its 867-5309, 867-5309, 867-5309, 867-5309
I got it, I got it, I got your number on the wall
I got it, I got it, for a good time, for a good time call
So Bree now that you have it…..
Don’t lose that number
You don’t wanna call nobody else
First Tommy Tutone then Steely Dan, for those of you that were striking out keep on reading OSW and you’ll be wooing the ladies in no time. Be sure to check back next week as I’ll be sure to let you know how our squads faired as well as update you on the most recent developments between Bree and I rraaauuurr!
Go Cats & Hootie Hoo
Soren
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